Many years ago, I began dating a woman that
I hoped would be my long-term Tantric sweetheart.
But after two soul-sucking dates
wherein she lavished me with grossly inappropriate behavior
I concluded that we were NOT a good fit.
Though I strove to break it to her
as gently and diplomatically as I could
she could NOT make the distinction between
what I was doing as well as saying on the outside,
and what she was processing on the inside.
She most definitely did NOT enjoy
the emotions she was experiencing,
and she did not like the ugly truths that they pointed to,
so instead of introspection and potential growth,
she chose to make me the scapegoat of her pain and rage.
That experience is NOT unique.
It is very, very, very common.
Sometimes we say something and
the listener becomes angry.
When a Bodhisattva feels anger,
they process their anger with
#1 – the compassion of taking other’s sufferings and
#2 – the wisdom of letting go.
When a boob becomes angry,
they can process their anger
by punishing someone
that they blame for it.
I don’t like the idea of forgiving.
Forgiving could imply that
you’ve done something wrong,
and now I must concoct a pseudo-intellectual, self-righteous reason
to no longer hold you accountable.
Isn’t it easer to take a contemplative approach and say,
“OK, I’m feeling anger,
which pretty much sucks
{and not in the fun tingly way}…
so I’m going to process the anger
through compassion and wisdom,
and when I see or think of that person who wronged me,
and that anger comes back up I’ll just
process it again, and again.”
Folks, our life’s purpose is NOT found in escaping
UNcomfortable feelings,
but in traversing the Bodhisattva’s path of
compassion and wisdom.
You could even gaze at:
• someone, or
• their picture, or
• their name or
• even their initial written on a piece of paper…
and as you gaze,
notice what dark emotion manifests…
{that’s awareness training}.
Then you can rapidly or extensively process that
emotion with the tools that
you’ve already received from the weekly webinars that
you already attend.
That is how you mend a heart,
no less a relationship.
The quest to forgive others
could be rooted in the disempowering belief in victim-hood.
I find the idea of karma can be empowering and freeing.
Someone hurts us due to MANY karmic factors.
In the present I can work with my anger.
To prevent future wounds I can ask someone to
no longer behave in the manner I find hurtful…
regardless of whether or not my request is reasonable.
If they refuse, then I get to find a new companion
if they acquiesce then I get to praise them.
But what happens if they acquiesce
and fail
yet try again?
Then perhaps they deserve even MORE praise.
Only a fool will promise to never hurt another.
We all f&*k up.
But a wise man will promise to try his best:
• to be nurturing and kind,
• to learn from his mistakes, and
• to always grow.
When some say, “You hurt me”,
what they really mean is
“I’m angry with you
and I’m going to punish you
until I feel better.”
Folks that ain’t love!
That behavior needs to be confronted.
That behavior needs to be shed.
That behavior needs to be abandoned lest they be abandoned.
Pride is a crafty thing.
It contrives all sorts of convoluted plans
to protect it’s self-esteem at the cost of other’s pain but…
the suffering of others.
Come let us shed the self righteous tendency
to punish those we feel have hurt us.
Rather, let’s practice the true righteousness
that processes every ugly thing
in the most wonderful way,
and to every one’s benefit.
Have you registered yet?
May you and yours be
happy and healthy!
Om Mani Padme Hum,
NON-sectarian Buddhist: Monk, Teacher, Healer and Tantrika
Who is Kuan Yin, Chenrezig, Avalokiteshvara and the Buddha of Compassion?
What is the difference between a Buddha, a Bodhisattva and a Boob?
What is the Six-syllable mantra, Om Mani Padme Hum, and what does it mean?
What is Enlightenment?
What is the key to Breathing meditation?
What is Suffering?
Did you know it's possible to transform sorrow, anger and fear into joy, love, peace and the wisdom of Letting-go?
With so many meditation teachers, lamas, roshis, rinphoches, sifus, bhantes and methods to select from, how could you know which one to rely upon?
Could you be curious about the Bliss of Tantric Sex? Then check out these two essays
How could Buddhism compare to other spiritual traditions?
What is the spiritual freedom and liberation that Buddha offers us?
What did the Dalai Lama say the Meaning of Life was, and what could that mean?
What is meant by Karma, causality and cause and effect?
What can we do with our painful emotions?
How could we manifest the ideal Marriage?
What methods could you use to fill your heart with the Bliss of Gratitude?
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