Very few of us were raised by the Bradys.
Very few of us had optimal parents.
Despite what our fears and our self-accusing tendencies tell us,
having less then optimal parents is NOT a spiritual indictment.
It’s not our fault if our parents were NOT as:
• attentive,
• indulgent, and
• nurturing
as they should have been.
You see, after we notice feelings of abandonment,
we could relive the past feelings of sorrow,
we could feel angry about what happened,
we could feel scared it’ll happen again
and we could often feel guilty for feeling any of those emotions.
Feeling any of those things does NOT make you bad.
But let’s face it, the painful feelings
we experienced the most intensely and the most frequently in childhood
could haunt us as adults.
It could be liberating to consider
that the pain we are experiencing in the present,
is NOT necessarily proportional
to the events in our recent history.
Geologists measure earth quakes with Richter scales.
Like wise, by dialoging with the Buddha of compassion
we can rate the intensity of our current emotions
on a scale of 0 to 10.
So when a companion does or says something we find hurtful,
if the pain generated in us
seems higher then we may expect,
then there could be a very good probability
that our childhood issues are rearing their heads.
Remember, the mind of a child
is a violent world of mellow drama.
The decisions and beliefs that are crafted in childhood
could have the potential to be VERY disempowering.
It has been said that the two fundamental components
of the Buddha’s wisdom trainings
are those of:
#1 impermanence as well as
#2 interdependence.
If EVERYTHING is connected,
if not directly, then at least indirectly,
then it seems foolish and prideful
to think that we, could know ALL the causes of every emotion.
That’s why asking “why” can be such an act of folly,
that not only squanders our time and energy,
but that needlessly and violently tears us out of
the present moment.
Most spiritual traditions teach the value
of giving the benefit of the doubt.
So although our companions may do and say some things
that are clearly not helpful,
by considering interdependence
it could be easier to give the benefit of the doubt…
and not blame the ravages of our painful emotions on merely
the clumsy utterances or actions
of our contemporaries.
When in the present moment,
we feel a painful emotion,
who’s bone jarring intensity
could reach all the way back to the dim recesses
of our child hood
what are we to do?
Should we look for someone to blame
and then punish them until we feel better?
NO!!!
Should we look for someone to blame,
paint ourselves as victims,
and then force ourselves to forgive them?
NO!!!
Should we remember NOT to judge ourselves
based upon what we feel?
Yes.
Should we bring those gut wrenching emotions
into Buddha’s paths of
Devotion, Awareness, Love and Letting-go?
Yes, Yes, Yes!
So what’s the difference?
What’s the difference between just noticing
what we feel, as if it was the for the first time,
and then bringing it into the path…
versus dropping our guard and allowing ourselves to vulnerably feel
our gut wrenching emotions
in the context of our personal history
and THEN bring them into the path?
Two things:
#1 Some particularly gut-wrenching emotions
automatically take us back to our distant and brutal past.
It would be great mistake to resist that energy.
So instead bring the emotion and it’s spontaneous story with it
into Buddha’s four yogas .
Bare in mind,
we’re NOT deliberately hunting for each emotion’s history,
that would be too much work.
But what we’re referring to is the situation
wherein the recall is spontaneous and involuntary.
#2 It’s in our advantage
to let go of our sufferings and their causes.
Normally if feels like we are trying to bale out a bathtub
with just a thimble.
However, when we have
a traumatic, involuntary flash-back,
we are given the opportunity
to trade our thimble for a bucket.
So come, let us NOT flee before the tidal wave
of traumatic, past-oriented emotions.
Rather, let us bravely square our shoulders,
bare our hearts
and put Buddha’s yogas to the test!
Come, let us rescue everyone from the tyranny of:
• abandonment,
• fear,
• sorrow and
• anger.
Let us get so good at letting go of this gut wrenching pain,
that when the little stuff manifests
we’ll be able to deal with it effortlessly;
using just the 3 or 7 breath practices .
Just as the ancient texts advise us
to work on our most difficult challenges first,
we could make the most of these
grand contemplative opportunities…
that we have been inconveniently blessed with
and become the great Bodhisattvas
that we were born to be.
Have you registered yet?
May you and yours be
happy and healthy!
Om Mani Padme Hum,
NON-sectarian Buddhist: Monk, Teacher, Healer and Tantrika
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