Believe it or not, for many of us,
our self-esteem is predicated upon:
#1 our to-do list as well as…
#2 the moods of those in our circle of friends.
I’m writing from first hand experience,
as a child mom and dad are our universe.
And so we become an expert of reading their:
• faces,
• tones,
• inflections and
• body language
because {yes Virginia}
people do lie about what they’re feeling.
What child hasn’t felt personally responsible for
the state of their parent’s marriage,
no less their happiness?
But is everything from childhood appropriate for adults?
I don’t know; do you still crap your pants?
Of course not, such a thing is NOT even an option.
Likewise our disempowering beliefs and
maladaptive coping strategies must be shed and discarded,
like a used condom after a night’s romp.
How could this relate to
perfectionism and people pleasing?
Easy!
As children we may have been praised for
doing everything on our To-do list or
pleasing mother and father,
BUT we are no longer children and
our universe is much bigger.
Yes, life is that inconvenient thing that happens when
we’re both making plans and acting on them.
Many years ago,
I ignored a breath taking sunset so I could
perform a Ngondro Sadhana.
It would have been infinitely more productive to
open my heart to the sunset’s grandeur and…
bring it’s bliss into the path’s of love and letting go.
Why didn’t I do that?
Because at that time,
my servitude to fear and
the self-loathing {that is poor self esteem},
made mental flexibility and spontaneity utterly impossible.
Could it be useful to have to-do lists?
Yes.
Can it be good to give a flying f$%k about the feelings of others?
Of course it could!
But come, let us not make slave drivers…
out of our lists or our friends’ feelings…
for when we do
we sacrifice not only our autonomy…
but the creativity of our heart’s inner genius that
is so vital for our happiness, greatness and fulfillment.
It takes great courage to balance…
responsibility and consideration with
flexibility and spontaneity.
Why?
Because, {oh humans that we are}, we
are bound to make mistakes while
learning every new skill.
In my youth, this perfectionist
tried his hand at art school,
and was promptly overwhelmed.
A kind teacher insisted
that the price of acquiring, no less mastering, any skill
was – making mistakes;
and those who did NOT have the courage to fail spectacularly…
would not manifest the skill set,
no less the heart,
to accomplish the truly great.
Sometimes when we practice,
we can get hung up on doing everything perfect.
We could desire to perform with the precision
of a concert Cellist.
That desire is NOT grounded in wisdom;
for greatness is not unearthed
by the rigidity of flawless performance…
but by the spontaneity of divinely inspired:
• playfulness,
• flexibility and
• curiosity.
The irony is that the path to Buddhahood
is less like a classical recital
and more like a jam session.
How can we train our intuition
to be truly guided by the divine,
and not merely be the toady of our:
• greed,
• fear,
• pride and
• aggression?
Find someone to teach you to dialog directly
with the Buddha of Compassion.
For as Lama Dromtonpa taught,
Remember, as a pilgrim upon Buddha’s path of:
• Devotion,
• Awareness,
• Love and
• Letting-go
our job is not to win everyone’s
approval, love and respect, all the time.
But rather to accomplish the path and assist others,
who desire our help, to do likewise.
Come let us gather the tools to forge our liberation!
You could register today .
May you and yours be
happy and healthy!
Om Mani Padme Hum,
NON-sectarian Buddhist: Monk, Teacher, Healer and Tantrika
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